Hey everyone, just figured I'd get this post updated. A lot's been happening, for the curious, or those simply bored... keep reading!

Anywho, turns out my girlfriend of 7 months cheated on my with a friend of mine. (For the sake of their privacy, we'll call my girlfriend Jill, and my "friend" Mark.) It was rather hard to take. At least it was a one night stand, and she was drunk. But nontheless, it killed me to discover this.

Sadly I've never been more drunk this many nights in a row. Let alone this many days in a two week span. I'm still learning how to cope with this. I made the mistake of loving this girl. I made the mistake of giving her everything I was, and she was so willing to throw it all away, like everything that we had and shared meant nothing.

I feel like her tears are invisible, because I'm not sure she really regrets it. I'm sure some of her does, since she's cried over this and whatnot. I'm just not convinced I want her back yet. People have been giving me mixed messages about what to do. Some say: "Take her back, you love her don't you?". Others say: "Just dump her, there are others out there."

But no matter what anyone says, I still can't decide. I've never felt this strong about one person before. She uses sex too casually, to make herself feel better in a bad mood. We were in a fight, and I told her to leave and come back when she had calmed down. She ended up going dowtown to a club, getting smashed, and sleeping with my ex-best friend that night.

I consider sex something very special between to lovers, unfortunatly, she doesn't. I knew she had issues with sex before getting involved in this relationship... but I was a fool for thinking she loved me enough not to do it. She must have no self respect, because if she can't stop monogamous sexual activity for herself... she sure as hell wouldn't for me.

UPDATE: Wednesday, August 16th, 2006;
Turns out, she attempted suicide a couple of days ago. She said she would call me the other day, so we could talk things out. I called her when she didn't. Strangely, her mother answered. I was told that she had attemped suicide and was currently in a lockdown ward at the hospital. She's only allowed contact with close family members, and I can't even talk to her. The two hospitals won't even divulge the information of if she's even at that hospital or not. It really is worring me.

I'm not sure how or why... but if I had to guess, I'd say because she feels like she's just fucked up too bad this time, and things can't be changed.

Let me know what you think I should do. Comments or notes appreciated.

1963: Kennedy shot dead in Dallas
The President of the United States has been assassinated by a gunman in Dallas, Texas.

John F Kennedy was hit in the head and throat when three shots were fired at his open-topped car.

The presidential motorcade was travelling through the main business area of the city.

Texas Governor John Connally was also seriously injured when one of the unknown sniper's bullets hit him in the back.

The men were accompanied by their wives, who were both uninjured.

Vice-president Lyndon Johnson - who was following in a different car - has been sworn in as the new US leader.

The presidential party was driving from Dallas airport to the city centre when witnesses said shots were fired from the window of a building overlooking the road.

The president collapsed into Jackie Kennedy's arms, who was heard to cry "Oh no". Seconds later Governor Connally was also hit.

Dallas Times Herald photographer Bob Jackson was in the motorcade close behind the Democrat leader's car and heard the shots as it entered Dealey Plaza.

"As I looked up I saw a rifle being pulled back from a window - it might have been resting on the windowsill - I didn't see a man," he said.

Mr Kennedy's limousine was driven at speed to Parklands Hospital immediately after the shooting.

"This is terrible - I cannot find words" - Senator Mike Mansfield

The president was alive when he was admitted, but died at 1400 local time (1900 GMT) - 35 minutes after being shot.

Police and Secret Service agents stormed the School Book Depository building moments after the shots were fired and recovered a rifle with a telescopic sight, said to be the assassination weapon.

The mood of shock in the US was echoed by Senator Mike Mansfield in an emergency forum of the senate.

Source: BBC UK News

Well, for the uninformed, quarter grades were just released for my high school (Cleveland). With the decrease in my GPA, my dear old folks have taken the liberty of making my life a living hell. This "hell" involves the removal of just about everything that could be called 'mine'. I have been stripped of my possessions in attempts to make me what ever the hell they want me to be.

So, ladies and gentlemen, my camera is no longer mine, nor will I be able to shoot it for some time. I'm hoping I can get it back, but negotiating with Satan is really damn hard. I'm lucky enough to be able to write this... as my internet is still working... can't say for how long though.

I'm hoping they'll cool off as time goes by, and I hope I can say the same for me. I lost my head earlier today and went into a bit of a scream session; they just frustrate the hell out of me.

I'll talk to you all later if I'm still able to.

Masturbation 'Cuts Cancer Risk'!?
They say cancer-causing chemicals could build up in the prostate if men do not ejaculate regularly.

And they say sexual intercourse may not have the same protective effect because of the possibility of contracting a sexually transmitted infection, which could increase men's cancer risk.

Australian researchers questioned over 1,000 men who had developed prostate cancer and 1,250 who had not about their sexual habits.

They found those who had ejaculated the most between the ages of 20 and 50 were the least likely to develop the cancer.

The protective effect was greatest while the men were in their 20s.

Men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life.

Fluid

Previous research has suggested that a high number of sexual partners or a high level of sexual activity increased a man's risk of developing prostate cancer by up to 40%.

But the Australian researchers who carried out this study suggest the early work missed the protective effect of ejaculation because it focussed on sexual intercourse, with its associated risk of STIs.

Graham Giles, of the Cancer Council Victoria in Melbourne, who led the research team, told New Scientist: "Had we been able to remove ejaculations associated with sexual intercourse, there should have been an even stronger protective effect of ejaculations."

The researchers suggest that ejaculating may prevent carcinogens accumulating in the prostate gland.

The prostate provides a fluid into semen during ejaculation that activates sperm and prevents them sticking together.

The fluid has high concentrations of substances including potassium, zinc, fructose and citric acid, which are drawn from the bloodstream.

But animal studies have shown carcinogens such as 3-methylchloranthrene, found in cigarette smoke, are also concentrated in the prostate.

'Flushing out'

Dr Giles said fewer ejaculations may mean the carcinogens build up.

"It's a prostatic stagnation hypothesis. The more you flush the ducts out, the less there is to hang around and damage the cells that line them."

A similar connection has been found between breast cancer and breastfeeding, where lactating appeared to "flush out" carcinogens, reduce a woman's risk of the disease, New Scientist reports.

Another theory put forward by the researchers is that ejaculation may induce prostate glands to mature fully, making them less susceptible to carcinogens.

Dr Chris Hiley, head of policy and research at the UK's Prostate Cancer Charity, told BBC News Online: "This is a plausible theory."

She added: "In the same way the human papillomavirus has been linked to cervical cancer, there is a suggestion that bits of prostate cancer may be related to a sexually transmitted infection earlier in life."

Anthony Smith, deputy director of the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society at La Trobe University in Melbourne, said the research could affect the kind of lifestyle advice doctors give to patients.

"Masturbation is part of people's sexual repertoire."

"If these findings hold up, then it's perfectly reasonable that men should be encouraged to masturbate," he said.

Source: BBC UK News